At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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