Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
