This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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