cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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