things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Randomize
