She said her name was "party"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
