He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
