I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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