The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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