Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you traded sex for a burrito?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
