I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
