After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
