You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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