were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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