My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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