every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
