She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
