The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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