After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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