i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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