the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
