beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
