I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
