those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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