It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
