his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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