Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We need a shit load of segways right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
