I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
