and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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