My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
