Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize