He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize