At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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