why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
