Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
