Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
