cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize