the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
