***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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