she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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