I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
