He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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