I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
