Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
