he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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