If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
