I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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