At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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