so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
