I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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