It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
