I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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