wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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