i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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