when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
