As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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