I want to walk on stilts...naked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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