can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
