Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
