awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
