Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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