nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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