i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
