I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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