Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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