Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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