On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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