Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
