Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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