She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
