Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I looked at my own cervix.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
