I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
