I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
