no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
