I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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