im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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