im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
