so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
